=>"You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over?? Movie Day."-- Jay Mohr
=>"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner."-- Lynda Montgomery
=>"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me."-- Bobcat Goldthwait
=>"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."-- A. Whitney Brown
=>"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget."-- Michael McShane
=>"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."-- Bob Ettinger
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