Public Speaking : SPEAKER HUMOR

Since I'm supposed to be a man, I have no trouble putting out some good man bashing humor. Ladies have fun with it.

=> What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.

=> What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.

=> How are men like noodles? They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

=> Men are like... place mats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

=> Men are like... mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

=> Men are like... bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

=> Men are like... lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

=> Men are like... bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

=> Men are like... high heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

=> "I spent $150.00 on a date last night." "That's not that much" "Well it's all she had."

=> "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

=> Child calling to mother while daddy snores, "Hurry Mommy! Daddy is boiling over!"

=> "My husband broke my favorite lamp.""How?" "When I hit him over the head with it."

=> Did ya hear about the man who wouldn't fly. He said he was going to stay home and watch TV as the lord intended.

=> I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you--it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person.