Political Speech Bloopers

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job"
--George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign

"This is a great day for France!"
--Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral

"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? ... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"
--George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students

"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh... setbacks."
--George Bush

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."
--Dan Quayle

"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."
--Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in 1989

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind--or not to have a mind. How true that is."
--Dan Quayle addressing the United Negro College Fund

"I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore-that is Maryland."
--William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address

"The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at."
--George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline

"If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed."
--Ronald Reagan

"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes."
--Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that
the microphone was already on

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
--Dan Quayle

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"I fear our discussions are tangenital to the issues at hand."

The great comedian Norm Crosby, who is best known for appreciating standing ovulations when he performs, has made a living out of the ingenious misuse of words. In real life though, malaprops are usually uttered by people who don't even realize their fox paws.

A friend of mine who is a fund-raiser for an unnamed, stuffy Washington, D.C., art society, told me of a hilarious incident that took place during a meeting. The humorless director stood at the conference table in an effort to put an out-of-control meeting back on track and said, "I fear our discussions are tangenital to the issues at hand."

TANGENITAL! My friend looked around at the other attendees who were all fighting back laughter. She had to excuse herself from the meeting to keep from laughing right in the face of the old windbag.

A flexible presenter who was truly in touch would have 1) realized her mistake, 2) laughed at herself, and 3) used that unplanned comic relief to get everyone's attention so that she could regain control of the meeting. Someone really experienced would make the mistake on purpose.

I have learned, in my years of writing comedy skits, that many times the mistakes are much funnier than the planned program. Now I plan mistakes when appropriate. To make this more foggy, I'll explain in one sentence. I learned that when I plan something and then I mess up the plan, the plan becomes funnier than the plan I planned to use, so now I plan to mess up the plan so the plan is
planned to be funnier than a plan that is not planned to be messed up. Get it? Good, because you need to hear loud and clear what I'm writing here so you bunglestand it.

Malaprops can be used for fun or to grab attention while making a serious point. Take for example Sam Goldwyn's classic, "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." I don't know if Sam said this one on purpose or not. I wasn't around in the 1940s to ask him. I do know that the message is clear and has stood the test of time. If he had simply said, "Contracts should be in writing" who would remember?

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Using the Right Words - International Presentations

Terminology is different in most areas of the world even if the country is English based. Highly tested humor that would work anywhere in the U.S. may fall flat in another country simply because the audience doesn't understand one of the words. For example, in Australia, break out sessions are called syndicates. If you were making a joke that used the word syndicate, you may totally confuse the audience and they won't laugh. People from most other countries will not relate easily if you mention miles per gallon or miles per hour. You should avoid talking about seasons, sports figures or celebrities that don't have world-wide name recognition. Rethink all humor you normally use and try to find problematic words. This is difficult to do by yourself. Try to find a person familiar with the local culture to help you.

When using translators, humor is tougher because timing and word play don't translate well. You might have to slow down considerably because of interpretation. Some speakers use half sentences to keep up the pace. This is very difficult and requires practice.

Speakers have been known to have fun with interpreters (of course, I would never do this). An unnamed speaker I know purposely mumbled to his interpreter to see what would happen. The interpreter mumbled back. Then the speaker mumbled again. It was hilarious.

Even when the audience speaks English they may not be able to understand your accent. Check with locals to see if you can be easily understood. You may have to adjust your normal delivery and rate of pitch slightly.

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