Monday, February 07, 2011

Public Speaking - Money and Banking Humor

I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the money that I'll ever need. .. . If I die tomorrow.
--Henny Youngman

My girlfriend's father died of throat trouble. . . . They hung him. He used to work in a bank. But no matter how much the boss likes you, if you work in a bank you can't bring home samples.
--Eddie Cantor

Children are stupid. That's why they're in school. I'd lecture for an hour about percentages and interest rates and at the end I'd ask one simple question, "You put ten grand in a bank for one year at 5 percent and what do you get?" Some kid would always yell out, "A toaster."

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it . . . Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
--Ogden Nash

Regard your voice as capital in the bank. . . . Sing on your interest and your voice will last.
--Lauritz Melchior

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
--Johnny Carson

If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
--Ben Franklin

He's got a wonderful head for money. There's this long slit on the top.
--David Frost

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
--Kin Hubbard

Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody.
--Agatha Christie

Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
--Josh Billings

See more great speaking humor!

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