Monday, December 29, 2008

Public Speaking : SPEAKER HUMOR

=> He always feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels better.

=> A wise man once said that the best way to save face is to keep the bottom part of it closed.

=> The reason ideas die quickly in some people's heads is because they can't stand solitary confinement.

=> Gas prices are so high that when I pulled into a station and asked for a dollar's worth, the attendant dabbed some behind my ears.

=> Consultation: A medical term meaning "share the wealth."

=> Governmental machinery is the marvelous device which enables ten men to do the work of one.

=> Our speaker always gives the most refreshing talks. Everywhere he goes the audiences always feel good when they wake up.

=> The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for public office.

=> A man I know solved the problem of too many visiting relatives. He borrowed money from the rich ones and gave it to the poor ones. Now none of them come back.

=> Depend on the rabbit's foot if you want, but remember it didn't work to well for the rabbit.

=> "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." Mark Twain

=> A wife is the only person who can look into the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's socks that aren't there.

=> Crime has gotten so bad in places, that citizens figure mugging into their budgets.

=> Don't confuse this confusion with disorganization...because we're not that organized yet.

=> Perfect timing is the ability to turn off the "hot" and "cold"shower faucets at the same time.

=> I won't say he's neurotic, but when the teams go into a huddle he wonders if they are talking about him.

=> One of the great mysteries of life is how that idiot who married your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world.

=> My kids sister has a superiority complex...she thinks she's almost as good as me.

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