Monday, September 08, 2008

Public Speaking : Speaker Humor

=> A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

=> A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

=> To save money for the company he cut all the electricity. They were soon in the black.

=> Why is it that when the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time?

=> If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.

=> Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.

=> When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of plastic, naugahyde and aluminum.

=> The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

=> The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

=> HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

=> Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

=> We're not happy till you're not happy.

=> It sure makes for a long day when you get to work on-time.

=> Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours!

=> Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.

=> I've started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.

=> My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already.

=> If you receive something that says "Send this to all your friends", please consider me not your friend.

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