Public Speaking : Bloopers

Bloopers are clumsy mistakes that are usually made in public. The television show 'TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes' and many blooper books are indicators of the interest we have in other people's goofs.

Here are two from 'All Time Great Bloopers' by Blooper Snooper Kermit Schafer and one from 'More Press Boners' by Earle Tempel, and how you might use them in a presentation.

A while back I heard about a DJ on WIOD in Miami, Florida who said, 'This is Alan Courtney speaking. Don't forget, tonight at nine, our special guest . . . (pause) . . .will be . . . I forgot.' Well, I haven't forgotten why we are here today . . . or (For an introducer) I couldn't possibly forget who is here with us today.'

Mayor Daley of Chicago was being interviewed on TV following the riots during the Democratic convention. The mayor stated, 'The police in Chicago are not here to create disorder, they are here to preserve it. I hope I don't create or preserve any disorder in my presentation today.'

From The San Leandro, CA News: I saw a notice in the newspaper the other day. It said, 'Industrial Boulevard is empty because it is a road to nowhere. Work is underway to extend it.' If we keep developing the obsolete widget. We will be on the road to nowhere too.

Public Speaking : Audience Gags

Audience gags are offbeat jokes that occur unexpectedly during a presentation. Dr. Joel Goodman, from the Humor Project, does one where a telephone rings during his presentation. He answers the phone that was hidden in the lectern and pretends to talk to his mother. The same joke would be called a running gag if the phone rang at several other times during the program.

Ten Wanted Men

I staged a gag at a seminar one time that was loads of fun and took less than one minute to complete. Before the program, I picked out about 10 fun-loving audience members to help me. I gave them secret instructions that were to be carried out on a certain cue during the program. To start the gag, I had my assistant interrupt the seminar to give me an important note. The note read (I used a serious expression):

"It appears that someone is in attendance today with another man's wife. There is a large and irate man on his way here right now. If you want out, there is a backstage door you can use to escape quickly."

At this point, 10 men jumped up out of their seats and ran keystone cop style out the door. Once they realized what was happening, several women jumped up and ran out too. It was great fun and the gag sure woke up everyone who had a heavy lunch.

Stone the Speaker

Here's another gag I do when I really want to focus attention on an important point. Either before the program or at a break, I recruit audience members who are sitting near the front. I give each one a piece of crumpled paper and instruct them to throw it at me when they hear a certain word.

Some presenters tell me that is the dumbest thing they ever heard and that they would never do it in a professional presentation. They say that until they understand the rationale. I use this gag when I want to focus attention on an important point? Guess who is riveted on what I say until they hear the key word? Of course, all the recruits with the crumpled paper. Then, after they throw the paper and I make a big reaction, the rest of the crowd is totally focused in their effort to see what is going on. That is when I make my key point. I have virtually guaranteed the attention of each audience member.

Public Speaking : Laws of Humor

Law #1
You Do Not Have To Use Humor, Unless You Want To Get Paid
People will pay more to be entertained than to be educated.

Two Trends in Public Speaking:

Immediate application
More entertainment

Incorporate the 3 Es:

1.Educate
2.Enlighten
3.Entertain

Law #2
Know Thy Audience
The more you know about the audience, the more opportunities you will have to play with them.

Ways to Learn About Your Audience:

Pre-program questionnaire:
The fastest way to know the inside humor of an organization is to ask. Ask about the characters in the group.
Read their annual report, past newsletters, copy of the program, web site address, Hoovers
Attend meetings and field trips before you speak. Find humor hot buttons.

Law #3
The Shortest Distance Between You And The Audience Is A Good Laugh
Eliminate all barriers between you and your audience. Create the illusion of control. Approach the audience as though everyone came to have a good time. The purpose is not to control them, but to ask, 'What is it we have in common?'

Four Effective Humorous Openings Public Speaking:

Self-effacing Humor Creates a bond with the audience.
Physical surroundings If it is on the mind of the audience, you must mention it.
Tap into "Inside Humor." Comment on what everyone is chuckling about. All of a sudden you are one of them. You immediately gain respect because you did your homework. Always check with person you are going to poke fun at.
Current events: What is happening in that particular city, around the nation, or worldwide? **The purpose of your opening is to loosen up the audience and invite them to listen.

Law #4
Your Success As A Speaker Will Be In Direct Proportion To The Amount Of Original Material You Use
The harder you are to duplicate, the more in demand you will be. Personal stories are always best, because they give the audience a chance to get to know you. Vulnerability is your greatest strength.

Law #5
If You Can't Find Funny Material, Change Your Glasses

Where to find humor:

Observe life. Life is filled with funny examples if you look through the eyes of humor. Life is just one long anecdote waiting to be told.
Go to the library
Humor cassettes
Comedy clubs
Become an avid reader of magazines and periodicals
Radio and television
Hear as many speakers as you possibly can
Surround yourself with funny people and those capable of making others laugh and feel good about themselves
Subscribe to speaker's services
Humor writers
Software: Idea Fisher and Internet resources
Make up your own Start a humor diary.

Law #6
Great Humor Is Not Written; It Is Rewritten

'The most common mistake in using humor is people give up too soon.' - Gene Peret

5 steps to writing original material:

1.Recall experiences from your past that are embarrassing, unusual, or funny.
2.Tell the story to friends. Make a note where they laugh.
3.Re-write. Eliminate unnecessary words and shorten. Put the biggest laugh at the end. A really good story explodes into the punchline, which is nothing more than the unexpected truth that twists reality slightly. In humor, less is more.
4.When you're comfortable, start telling it from the platform. The pause will dramatically improve your timing and rhythm.
5.
Add laugh lines. Keep editing. Tape every speech, then go through it. Try to find and increase the laugh lines. Get a Humor Buddy to brainstorm with.

Law #7
Spontaneity Is Always Better The Second Time Around

Accidents do happen. When accidents take place, the audience becomes ill-at-ease. Any comment will break the tension. Being prepared is the key to rehearsed spontaneity. Before making a remark, pause and look up like you are searching for something to say. The audience will think you are creating the humor on the spot.

Beeper goes off: Time to take my pill!
Ambulance or any siren: Gotta go, my ride is here!

Law #8
If They Dont Laugh, It Was not Meant To Be Funny

All humor must apply to your speech. Relevance reduces resistance. When taking advantage of humor of the moment, be ready with a comeback line.

Comeback lines:

Some jokes I do just for me.
I would now like you to bow your heads and join with me in silent prayer for that last joke that just died.
That is the last time I buy a joke from (key member of the organization)

Law #9
The Richest Laugh Is At No One's Expense

You lose respect and credibility when you offend someone in your audience. Listen through the ears of the audience. When in doubt, leave it out. The reason you use humor is to enhance your message. If your humor offends, then it interferes with what you have to say.

Law #10
You Are Your Own Best Style

You need to uncover the style you already have and use it, rather than use someone else's style. Select material carefully so that it compliments your style. If your humor is too much different from your own personality, it appears awkward and incongruent. Be yourself!

Scott Friedman,CSP, Motivational Humorist Author of Using Humor For A Change

http://www.FunnyScott.com

Send Email to Scott:

mailto:Scott@FunnyScott.com

Public Speaking : Anachronisms

A person, place, or event that is placed in a time period in which it does not belong is called an anachronism. For instance, Paul Revere riding a motorcycle or George Washington sitting in front of a computer would be anachronisms. You see advertising strategies using anachronisms all the time, especially around Lincoln's and Washington's birthdays and Columbus Day. I saw an ad for fluorescent light bulbs that had Thomas Edison working on a phonograph. The caption read: 'If Thomas Edison wouldn't have wasted his time on this (incandescent bulb), his phonograph might have been a CD player.'

The relationship between new and old is always interesting. Anytime you can highlight that relationship in your public speaking engagements you will evoke mild humor and create more attention on your product, service, or point.

Here is a good fill-in-the-blank format. Would (big name from the past) have________________ if he had ________________? All you have to do is make a simple relationship and your message will be funny and memorable.

"Would George Washington have thrown his money away in the Potomac if he had ABC investment company on his side?"

Once you get the relationship down, you can adjust the form to suit your speaking engagement. The George Washington/ABC investment anachronism could turn into a good, usable one-liner.

"George Washington wouldn't have thrown his money in the Potomac if he had come to us for advice."

Public Speaking : Alliteration

When you are speaking in public, humor need not be knee slapping funny to be effective. Here is a mild form of humor to add to your public speaking engagements. Alliteration is the repetition of the same first sound or the same first letter in a group of words or line of poetry.

You find alliteration used in advertisements and titles all the time because it tends to catch your eye and ear. One of my humorous public speaking topics is titled 'Pranks for Profit: Confessions of a Paid Practical Joker'. It has four 'p' sounds.

Here is an example of a positive message delivered with alliteration:

'We (B)agged the (B)aldridge award (B)ecause our (B)rainy, (B)eautiful (B)usinesspeople are the (B)est.'

In a negative message you can soften the blow of the message without appearing frivolous or uncaring. Example:

'The strike by one of our suppliers has put a (C)runch on our division. Even though we are (C)runched, we are still (C)reative. We are still (C)redible. And we will (C)onquer this problem.'

Public Speaking : Ads

You can concoct fake ads, or use real ads that are funny in your public speaking engagements. They can be read aloud, projected, or distributed as handouts.* Watch for funny ads that relate to your business or presentation topic in magazines and other periodicals. Cut the ads out and photocopy for distribution as a handout or make them into slides and overheads. Jay Leno has a series of books called Headlines I, II, and III. Besides having really funny headlines from newspapers and magazines, the books have lots of blooper advertisements along with commentary from Jay. My favorite was the funeral monument company that advertised a lifetime replacement guarantee.

You can read these aloud in your public speaking engagements without worry of copyright infringement. Always attribute the source though. You don't want to claim material as your own if you did not create it.

*Be careful not to violate copyrights

Public Speaking : Acronyms and Abbreviations

You can use acronyms and abbreviations as a form of humor during a public speaking engagement. An acronym is basically a form of abbreviation where the letters of the abbreviation form a new word, i.e., HUD means the Department of (H)ousing and (U)rban (D)evelopment. There are many acronyms and abbreviations that are universally known such as the IRS and the CIA. There are many more that are unique to your audience. All you have to do to make them humorous for use in your public speaking engagement is to change one or more of the words that go with your well-known abbreviation or acronym.

Here are some examples:

IQ Idiot Quotient
CPI Consumers Poorhouse Indicator
IRA Individual Rest-in-Peace Account
TQM Totaled Quality Management

With a little thought, it is very easy to customize acronyms and abbreviations to your audience. Now, here are some examples and explanations from a custom public speaking engagement I did for a hotel franchise:

OCC in the hotel industry means Occupancy Rate. I changed it to Oh! C'mon Clinton because certain taxes were being proposed by President Clinton that would affect their industry. I always try to connect with the audience by mentioning the topics that are foremost on their minds. This gives you the greatest chance of succeeding with an item of humor.

ADR to hoteliers, means Average Daily Rate. This was changed to All Dated Rooms which is something no hotelier wants to hear. This would mean a fortune would have to be spent to upgrade and modernize the rooms.

IOC was the name of the group I was addressing (International Operator's Council). This was changed to I'm Ordering Chinese and I'm Out of Coffee. These phrases aren't particularly funny in themselves. They were coupled, however, with the fact that these people had just completed rigorous and exhausting inspections by the Franchisor. That is what made it funny.

ANA This is one of my generic favorites. ANA represents Al Nippon Airlines. I mention that it is a good thing that this company had an American advisor before they used this acronym because the original version was . . . ANAL (this is revealed on an overhead projector just after a pause following the word was). This gets good laughter. I extend the humor with the line, 'How would you like to see that on a 747 coming at you?' This gets even bigger laughs. For the hotel speaking engagement the acronyms were on an overhead transparency and were displayed using a reveal technique (where individual overhead lines were covered until it was time to reveal the funny version. You don't have to project acronyms to use them in a public speaking engagement. You could also print them in handouts, or just tell them out loud.

Public Speaking : Mock Ups

To add some humor to your public speaking engagement you can make fake newspaper articles and headlines and book covers by using your computer software and printer.

To mock up a newspaper article, simply find the column function of your word processor and set the column width to approximate a real newspaper. It does not matter that your are not holding up actual newsprint because you could have simply cut the article from a newspaper and had it photocopied. If you want to actually use a real newspaper, you could go through a lengthy trial and error process trying to shade a piece of laser paper to approximate the color of your newspaper. I guess you could also find some actual newsprint that would feed through your printer.

The easiest way is to simply paste or tape your headline or article on one of the inside pages of a real newspaper and then open the paper so you can read the paste up, but the audience can not really see it.

Humorist and parody writer David Glickman gave me this really funny idea . He uses his color inkjet printer to duplicate the black box and yellow letters that are on the front of all the Dummies series of books. He then pastes his new title over the one on an actual Dummies book. The rest of the cover is so busy that people only focus on the big black box. From a distance you can't even tell it is a mockup. I just used this techniques for a big cable company. The title was, Digital Cable TV Maintenance and Installation for Dummies. It is not too funny to you, but to the targeted audience it was hilarious. You can also mock up fake telegrams and letters from well known people who are not at the public speaking event.

Public Speaking : Deadpan Expression

Yesterday I attended a professional public speaking meeting of the National Capital Area Speakers Association. The presenter was not funny, but got laughs from the crowd.

He seriously began speaking, . . . presented slowly, . . . and kept a low tone of voice. I thought to myself, 'this is going to be a long day.' Then, without cracking a smile, a totally out of character line came out of his mouth. He was going over his material which talked about thinkers, doers etc, and said, 'A thinker is a person who is thinking about something.' The whole room cracked up. This is called 'deadpan' expression.

Deadpan expression is the technique of combining a serious demeanor with a funny line. The line typically gets a bigger laugh than the same line delivered with a lighthearted expression or smile. The contrast and surprise is what stimulates the laughter.

The most recent and famous example of this is the comedian Steven Wright who NEVER breaks character to smile. He says lines like, 'My dog is confused. I named him STAY. . . .Then I say come STAY.' A more animated and cartoonish version of this is Rodney Dangerfield who pretends to be serious about his goofy life. He says, 'I am an earth sign and my wife is a water sign . . ..Together we make mud.' hahahaha If it fits your character when speaking in public, try a little deadpan.

Public Speaking: Odd Body Angles

Do you remember Steve Martin with his Walk like an Egyptian routine? The main reason it was funny was because of the strange body angles. These angles may have been fine for Egyptian dancers, but hilarious for stand up comics. I do a routine where I do several sick looking Tai Chi moves. The audience can't help but laugh.

Charlie Chaplain used the duck footed stance with his arms at his sides, but hands turned up. He also waddled along. Although, I am not an advocate of using a mirror in public speaking training, this is one time you can experiment in creating funny looking poses by thinking odd body angles. You'll guarantee more laughs with this technique.

Public Speaking : Old Humor is Good Humor

Public speaking humor is only old if your audience has heard it before and if they remember it. Most people don't remember the exact details of jokes, one-liners, and stories. This is not contradictory to the fact that one of the uses of humor is to make your points more memorable.

One of the reasons people don't remember jokes and other pieces of humor is that the humor is usually heard out of context. The humor was not used in conjunction with a point which is the way you should use it in a speaking engagement. The humor was used for entertainment value only and was enjoyed and quickly forgotten.

When you bring back some of this old humor, you will be tying it to your point which makes it acceptable to use in the first place. In the second place, even if some audience members recognize the humor, they probably don't remember the punch line. If you tell it well, even these people will enjoy hearing it again.

The technique to tell a very old joke or story is to tell the audience it is old. This is the one time when you might want to tell the audience you have a joke or story coming. If you don*t tell them that you know it is old, they will likely think you are out of touch. If you tell them you are going to tell an old story or joke, you are telling them you know it's old, but it makes the point so well that you think it is worth telling again.

You will come across jokes and stories that can be updated. Some can be updated as easily as adding a current name. Here is an old politician joke:

Joe the politician said he was so surprised about his nomination that his acceptance speech fell out of his pocket.

All you have to do to update this one is to change the name from Joe to the current politician or association member you want to tease. You could also make this a joke on yourself if you know you are going to be nominated for something. I was so surprised about this nomination that MY acceptance speech fell out of my pocket. Here is another one that can be used for presidents, or to tease any business boss:

A man was alone in a rowboat on the Potomac shouting No! No! No! Someone on the riverbank said, 'Is that guy crazy or what?' Another man fishing said, 'No. That's just one of President Clinton's Yes Men on vacation.' All you have to do on this one is to change the name of the river and substitute your BIG TARGET where you see President Clinton.

When speaking in public a little old humor used properly never hurts.

Public Speaking : How to Write a Top 10 List

by Jeff Justice

Right off the bat I'm going to make this process fifty percent easier for you. Never write a Top 10 list. Make it a Top 5 because:

First, it's hard to come up with 10 really funny things. The only reason David Letterman gets laughs all the way through is he has a band punching it up with rim shots and musical cues.

Second, audiences have really short attention spans. When I started customizing Top 10 lists for clients it was apparent from the very first one that 10 was too much of a good thing.

Third, it's much easier!

Jeff's golden rule for Top 5 lists is, 'End on the funniest, begin with the second funniest and put the other three in the middle.'

How to write it:

Pick a subject (i.e, Rolling Stones) and make a list of everything you can think of regarding this subject, especially nouns or phrases. In this case, that would include song titles. My list would include the following, plus much more. (The more the better):

Brown Sugar, Jumpin' Jack Flash, Big Lips, Drugs, I Can't Get No Satisfaction, Rock and Rollers, Start Me Up, etc.

Now, pick an adjective that describes your subject. The first one that comes to mind is old. Make another list of everything that you can think of that has to do with getting old, such as:

Walker, Bran, Polygrip, Senile, Social Security, Medicare, Viagra, Geritol, Respirator, Catheter.

Choose one item from each group and put them together with a little exaggeration to form your idea. In this case, it will be titles for their 1999 tour.

The Top 5 names for the Rolling Stones 1999 tour are...

5. Big Lips and Polygrip tour.

4. The Brown Sugar and Bran tour.

3. Hey, you get off my Catheter tour.

2. Grumpy Old Men tour

1. Start me up with Viagra tour.

In my corporate workshops I teach the group how to write Top 5 Lists on subjects meaningful to them like, 'The Top 5 things you'd never hear from a customer.'

They come up with, 'Could you please keep me on hold longer? I was enjoying the Musak.'

The groups must write their own lists and then present them at the end. After the laughter subsides, I point out that if they reverse the Top 5 list they've identified five negative things that they do hear from their customers. Then we spend time developing humorous and appropriate responses for when those situations occur.

Jeff Justice Corporate Comedy

P. O. Box 52404 Atlanta, GA 30355-0404 404-262-7406 fax: 404-841-9586

http://www.jeffjustice.com

Send Email to Jeff Justice:

jeff@jeffjustice.com

Public Speaking : Finding Humor for Specific Industries

If you are looking for stories and humor in a specific industry, you must work a little harder than you would have to find general humor. Certain professions like medicine and law have many individual books, newsletters, and articles written about them. But if you are a plumbing executive, or you are speaking to the plumbing industry it is unlikely you could go down to your local public bookstore and find a plumbing joke book.

Start a file right away for industry-specific information you find. A good place to start looking for information to fill this file would be in a trade journal for the specific industry. Almost every industry you can imagine has one or more associated trade journals. If you're looking for humor, sift through back issues to find humor you can use now. Virtually no one remembers cartoons and jokes more than a month or so. Watch for industry newsletters so you can extract usable material. Check company bulletin boards regularly for funny signs and postings.

Call others in the industry to look for stories or incidents that would be of interest to your audience (remember to give credit). Collect everything you can collect that is interesting and industry specific and soon you will have the best collection around. Don't forget our friend the Internet. Anytime I need humor on something really specific, I simply type the keywords (ex. plumbing humor, or water humor) into one or more of the major search engines. Something is bound to come up. You must be ready to do some sifting though before you find some usable material. Here are just some of the lines I came up with for the plumbing engineer group I was speaking to. Note: these are the people who figure out how much water it takes to flush a toilet hahaha

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - - Rodney Dangerfield

The shower is the greatest invention. I don't like to take a bath. I don't like to wash my face in the water I've been sitting in.-- Lewis Grizzard

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue ... and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake? Where does the glue go?-- Rita Rudner

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. -- Minnie Pearl