P.T. Barnum would have trouble getting people to leave his museum so he
put up a sign that said, "This way to the Egress." When people went
through the door, they found themselves on the street. I don't want to find
myself there, so I'll finish up now . . .
You've heard that "All's well that ends well." Well in my case it's All's
well that ends. Goodnight.
When all is said and done, there is usually more said than done. I think
I've said enough. Good Luck.
When a speaker says, "Well, to make a long story short," it's usually too
late. I don't want you to feel that way about me. Thanks for having me.
If you have a Question and Answer period:
Now let's open it up for questions. Ask me anything. If I know the answer,
I'll give it to you. If I don't, I'll make something up.
Complimentary and funny:
Secretaries are the backbone of an organization. They are the structure
that holds everything together [start to get emotional and cry. Take out a
handkerchief and hidden noisemaker. Blow your nose really loudly]. I'm
sorry. I get so emotional. You're the greatest. Good bye.
Paraphrase a quotation:
The next time you're feeling down, and you look in the mirror and see a
few extra wrinkles, just remember what my old buddy Mark Twain used to
say. "Those wrinkles are where smiles have been all these years." I'm Tom
Antion. I love you.
Now I'm going to say something in the public interest.
George Eliot said, "Blessed is the man [I would substitute the word person
for the word man to avoid sexist language], who having nothing to say
refrains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact."
An old-timer is one who can remember when time was marching on instead
of running out. My time is running out, so in conclusion . . .
My great, great granddaddy always told me, "When you're holding a
conversation, be sure to let go of it once in awhile." I'm letting go of ours
right now. Are there any questions?
My talks usually have a happy ending. That's because everyone is glad
they are over.
Make $5500 or more every time you speak!