=> Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
=> Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
=> Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
=> Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.
=> Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
=> Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
=> Father: A banker provided by nature.
=> Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
=> Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with the bill.
=> Love: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
=> How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
=> Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
=> Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
=> Women should not have children after 35. Really...35 children are enough.
=> Men are like slinkies.......not really good for anything but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
=> Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
=> Men are like ... horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
=>I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."-- Joan Rivers,