Monday, September 22, 2008

Public Speaking : SPEAKER HUMOR

=> When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

=> My kid came back from Sunday school with an illustrated card in her hand. I said, "What have you got there?" She said, "Oh, Just an ad for heaven."

=> Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to.--Mark Twain.

=> Some folks seem to have descended from the chimpanzee much later than others.--Kin Hubbard 1868-1930 American Newspaper Humorist.

=> Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.--Josh Billings

=> Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.--Spike Milligan

=> I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew five thousand dollars at a reincarnation seminar. I got to thinking,what the heck, you only live once.--Ronnie Shakes

=> What this country needs is a bank where you deposit a toaster and they give you $250.00

=> The bank sent out an overdraft statement and got back a note of apology and a check.

=> Last week I got a $5000 home improvement loan from my bank. I'm sending the kids to college

=> The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

=> Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!

=> Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

=> Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

=> Forget about World Peace......Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

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